The best option is to be patient and try to understand why that bugger is acting the way he has been. In these cases, private messages help in personalizing the conversation and try our level best to make the person realize that such a nuisance act can spread negativity in the atmosphere and can hence cause trouble to a lot of people around. If it’s a kid online, the community manager can sound emotional and explain him by saying that such a silly behavior will defame him and none of his friends will talk to him ever.

If the kid is not behaving matured enough to understand the reasons given by the community manager and the act still continues, then I think it’s justifiable and reasonable to take further strict action of warnings, temporary suspensions and bans, if necessary.

This kind of counseling from the Community Manager’s end, helps him / her gain more respect and trust from the community members. I feel that’s quite important for a Community Manager to achieve in his/her career. What say??!

I know very well that everyone here tries the best they can to be “fair” to their members. I understand and agree that you can’t help ending up feeling like sitting ducks. Someone registers and you hope they are nice. Maybe most of the time they are. But what if they aren’t? There are a lot of people in RL who are not very charming. They don’t leave that behind when they come into cyberspace. They bring it with them and it even becomes intensified–because of that disconnected, dreamy feeling of being behind a computer and feeling completely safe. Some of them are the vicious trolls that have torn down and undermined the house that belongs to all of us, with predictable results. And the more this kind of thing happens, the more burnt out you start to feel.

But there are others who are also “brave behind the computer” and feel pretty secure. Some of them are the owners themselves and the moderators. They, too come from RL also and can only bring what they are with them. Some are mature and patient and incredible people. Others aren’t. And now in the year 2009 they are somewhat more armed with a lot of new tech tools at their disposal. No one will argue with the terrible need that brought these tools into being. So now some of the actions of the trolls could be mitigated. Now you are not quite so vulnerable. All to the good.

But I have seen some horrible things going on in some online communities. Moderators taking part in things that can only be called abusive and evil. I do not use those words lightly. Some “ordinary” people in charge of their own sites have never had such power before, and they don’t know how to use it. They are not used to it. They are angry and tired of all these endless and unending silly pm’s and everyone complaining about everything. They start to lash back–simply because they can. If they are bullies in RL they will not be changing anytime soon. The whole community degenerates into politics and who are their personal friends. They ban people for no reason. They read private messages and think they can forever hide the knowledge they have about so-and-so. They take away reps–again, not for any stated reasons. They start to mark down who is using the “report button” a little too often–even if it turns out that “report” was justified. They keep a list of who complains too much. They do anything at all that they want, from the ‘admin control panel’ simply because they CAN. Blocking someone’s posts from view. Just for the fun of it. Anything. Keep in mind the particular poster is not breaking the site’s rules–they just happen to be a poster that you can torment and have fun with, because you don’t happen to like that poster.

Who is there to stop you? No one. Maybe someone higher-ranked steps in because they start to see it. Maybe they don’t. Maybe you are the highest ranked. Now only your own conscience is there to stop you.
Sometimes you end up feeling like a martyr. None of this is what you thought it would be.

There’s just no easy answers.