Comments on: Do you want real friends to join your online community?

By: Shawn

Shawn — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:49:39 +0000

I keep many of them out of it definitely; and if I do involve them I try not to promote them or have them promote me beyond what I would do for any other member of their standing on my community. I do have friends and family that share the same interests, humor, etc as myself — the ones that know most of what I’ve done, where I’ve been, etc.. but there are definitely others that I wouldn’t want seeing that. I really haven’t covered my tracks well as far as usernames and how easy I am to track online.

By: Frank

Frank — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 12:18:31 +0000

I think that if you are starting an online community, getting friends and family to join is the lazy option. You should already be involved in the online community for the topic; in which case getting other interested people involved shouldn’t be too great a challenge.

By: Sally

Sally — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 01:38:49 +0000

Ever been a member of a site where 80% of the members are friends in RL and they keep bringing in THEIR friends to register? It turns into nothing but a clique where every other member is deliberatly ignored. It is instantly political and divisive. I’ve experienced it. It is a nightmare. Just as in RL, people tend to group together and stay with each other. It’s normal behaviour; but for some reason when it is online it only seems to increase and become worse. I myself can’t complain against “member X” because all of his buddies will scream to the moderators about it and freeze me out even more. And of course I’m talking about a legitimate complaint.

No friends and no family!

By: Martin Reed - Blog Author

Martin Reed - Blog Author — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 00:23:57 +0000

Armen – I agree. Communities are based around people who share similar interests – not similar bloodlines!

Andrew – Exactly! That’s why you need to consider whether you want friends and family to join your online community in the first place!

By: How do I want to reveal? « Missellyb’s Blog

How do I want to reveal? « Missellyb’s Blog — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 20:15:08 +0000

[...] But what about my boyfriend and mine holdiday pictures of last summer, do I really want my ex to see them? Do I want my ‘friends’ to see that intimate that side of mine? ‘Remember that wild night at Vegas from last summer? Well now all the members of your community know about it, too as your friend has just posted all about it – complete with pictures. Well, you certainly have some controversy now – and depending on how you look at it, some great content.’ Read more about Martin Reed’s point of view (and a lot of responses!) on ‘do you want real friends to join your online community?‘. [...]

By: Andrew J. Simone

Andrew J. Simone — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:54:24 +0000

Depending on friends and family can lead to disatsers and may even strain relationships in the future.

By: Armen Shirvanian

Armen Shirvanian — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 08:14:29 +0000

It sounds about right that the only known individuals that should be invited to a forum are the ones that would be interested in the material, or the ones that really would want to assist, even though they aren’t that interested in the material. Any other known individuals should be kept out of one’s forum, as lacking a purpose from the start could lead to trouble. Also, one has to keep in mind that they can introduce someone to a community, but it is hard to remove them from it once they are engaged.

By: Martin Reed - Blog Author

Martin Reed - Blog Author — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:49:55 +0000

Smiley – Yup, I agree. A little mystery is intriguing. Complete mystery results in no relationship being developed. It is a balancing act, but you need to make sure you share parts of yourself – if not your experiences, then at least your personality.

By: Smiley

Smiley — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 03:58:34 +0000

I agree on the balancing act comment. I think there are two different extremes where you don’t want to be. One extreme is your members know NOTHING of you. A little mystery is good, but your members don’t want to chat on a site where the owner is basically The Invisible Man, unapproachable; but at the same time they don’t want to chat on a site where the owner is posting baby pictures of themselves and telling everyone their life story. You want to be personal enough so you have a ‘human touch’ about you to your members, but still keep your personal life in a mist.

By: Martin Reed - Blog Author

Martin Reed - Blog Author — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:22:38 +0000

Michelle – I wonder what it is about your community that the people you speak to don’t find interesting? Have you asked them? Maybe they can tell you what you need to do to get them interested.

Tassadar – Hmmm I am not sure there is often a huge distinction between friends and family; both could make your role as a moderator difficult if they became members!

Nicole – I agree that there are a lot of variables in play here. I think friends and family can be a really good addition to your community, but there are inherent dangers in pursuing this strategy.

Kouji – You’re right; it can definitely make things more complicated!

Bat – Agreed. If you want to invite friends and family to your community you should definitely lay down some ground-rules for them in advance! This includes making them aware that they are expected to adhere to the site rules and will be treated the same as other members. You will also want to ensure they know whether they are permitted to post any personal information about you before they join.

Thanks for the scenarios you described – some good ones to think about there!

Amish – A blog is an online community! I have similar experiences to you; my friends and family know what I do but tend not to get involved – they see it as ‘my thing’ and don’t really want to get involved.

Fine by me!

Antonio – It could definitely create friction in the real world if you had to discipline a friend or family member. Normally, as community administrators, we can ‘switch off’ when we turn of the computer. This might not be the case if we end up having to ban the wife from our community!

Erin – Like you mention, there are pros and cons to inviting friends and family to your online community. You just need to be aware of them and be prepared for them before making a decision.

Smiley – I think it is a good idea not to get too personal with your members. As a person of authority you should be getting involved but keeping some distance at the same time.

Tertius – Exactly; I am sure inviting friends and family can work out great. Not sure I can open-heartedly recommend it as a community building strategy, though!

Mr Woc – I think it depends on more than just your site; it depends on how personally involved you want to get in your community, it depends on the personalities of your friends and families and it depends on your overall strategy. Lots of variables normally equals lots of things to go wrong!

Linda – I think you can have people connect with you without giving too much of yourself away. You convey a sense of your personality in your writing (at least you should), and even if you choose to remain wholly professional when writing your articles, you can still share some of your personality (especially when replying to comments).

Telling stories is a great way of building relationships, and I definitely recommend doing that. It all depends on how much you want to give away about yourself. I think you are following a good strategy – you don’t have to choose between having a personality and remaining professional. You can do both. Remember, you can share a lot about yourself in your ‘About’ page. It sounds to me like you have a good balance.

Jennifer – I agree that boob flashing probably won’t get you a reputation for being professional. It might gain you some traffic, though!

Rika – Exactly; there are pros and cons and each need to be identified before you reach a conclusion.

Daniel – I completely agree with you, and I certainly wasn’t suggesting communities should be open only to your friends and family.

Randy – Sounds like you are the ultimate ‘Man of Mystery’! You raise a good point – friends and family may feel more inclined to ‘help out’ and start clicking on ads, which definitely wouldn’t be beneficial.

Don’t be afraid of getting involved in your community – your members want to see you involved. You can get involved without revealing too much of your personal life – it’s all a big balancing act.

Lisapeary – Well that would definitely be awkward. But surely them sharing highly personal information about you would be just as uncomfortable?